SEND MY LOVE TO

Hey 2017 ..

Awal yang baik untuk menjadi dewasa 

Di tahun ini, aku belajar banyak tentang arti ke ikhlasan, belajar gimana menerima kenyataan kalau aku bukan lagi anak kecil yang cuman bisa ngerengek buat minta sesuatu. Belajar kalau aku bukan lagi remaja alay yang mikirin soal pacaran. It’s time to grow .. 

Tahun 2017 membuat aku tahu bagaimana rasanya merelakan apa yang seharusnya bukan menjadi milik kita. Kegagalan menjadi suatu hal yang biasa, bangkit dari keterpurukan diantara cemoohan, “nyinnyiran” dan tuntutan bukan sekedar hal yang mudah. Tanggung jawab yang mungkin dulunya ga terpikir sama sekali menjadi hal yang sangat krusial.

Tahun 2017 juga mengajarkan aku bagaimana merelakan seseorang yang mungkin selama ini sangat berarti. Merelakan dia untuk orang lain, yang lebih baik dan menyenangkan.. 

Hey boy, just remember if u meet a girl later then she’s fun to be with and u think she’s good for u,  just send my love to your new lover ..

A BIG BIG WORD.

u know I think the worst feeling is finding out that u didn’t mean as much to someone as u thought u did, and u just feel stupid bc u looked desperate of caring too much. 

Yap it’s totally true that every high expectations will destroy u from inside. 

If i can make an analogy I was a package lebelled ‘handle with care’ but u were a postman who was never quite aware. 

I’ve ever read a poetry in a magazine about that kinda man and here it is ..

You didn’t love her, u just don’t wanna be alone, or may be she was good for ur ego, or may be she made u feel better about ur miserable life, but u didn’t love her, bc u never broke a girl u love.. 

“And right here I’m broke ..” 

Now, I’m moving on, I try to totally ignore everything about u, take that memories away, and start to throw away the hope. Idk what happen but as long as I try to forgive everything I begin to hate u more and more .. 

“Tolong ajarkan aku bagaimana caranya merelakan seseorang tanpa membencinya, dan 

Tolong ajarkan aku untuk memaafkan orang yang datang dan pergi seenaknya.” 

For me, u’re the most cowardly man ever because ..

“Pengecut terbesar adalah pria yang membangunkan cinta seorang wanita tanpa bermaksud untuk membalasnya.”

Last but not least kalau kata anak jaman sekarang sih .. 

“Ya jangan bikin baper kalo ga ada niatan serius, Bego lu !”

A CHOICE.

“Sesuka hati” lyric by Karina Salim 

Cerita andai bisa ku ulang semua. Tak ku biarkan jatuh cinta pada mu. Kalau yang terjadi kau datang dan pergi ..

Hati ini bukan tuk sementara. Bukan tuk selingan hati mu. Bukan begitu seharusnya Cinta ini bukan tentang dirimu saja. Bukan datang dan pergi sesuka hati ..

Kemana karena takkan ada habisnya. Terlalu dalam kau buat ku bertahanmeskipun ku tahu ini menyiksaku 


My intuition told me it was time to leave, so I followed. For u who ever come, now I left .. 
Hey boy .. 

Where have u been ? U left after u say u wouldn’t. After countless time u screwing me over, u just vanish. I knew I shouldn’t of trusted u. I’m so confused and disappointed to myself bc why did I think this time will be different ? 

I let u call me babe, I let u treat me different and I actually believed u meant it, but where are u now? Why do u always come and go suddenly? Why do u give me that special attention when u don’t really mean it ? Why do you put this feeling on me? Why u can be so ignorant suddenly ? Why u give me that hope, dude ? ..

Then a week later I see u with some other girls treating her the same as u treated me. How can u do that ? How can u act like that ? Don’t u ever think about me? Please boy tell me, i just don’t get it, what kinda game do u play ? and I can’t believe that I let myself be fooled by a boy like u..

“Jangan” 

Jangan sengaja pergi agar dicari, jangan sengaja lari agar dikejar, berjuang tak sebercanda itu .. 

Jangan mencari saat semua sudah terlanjur pergi, jangan mengejar saat sudah jauh berlari, menunggu tak seasyik itu .. 

Jangan .. dan jangan pernah meyakinkan dirimu bahwa dia menyukaimu hanya karena dia bersikap manis padamu. Karena kadang kamu hanya pilihan ketika dia bosan .. 

Well, Someone told me that people come and go and now I go 

Hey boy, if u know I’m fuckin’ tired of this game, and I really hate u and I hate to say that honestly I’m giving up on you. 

Boy, even tho how hard I say that I hate u but u’ve to know that I still fuckin’ care so fuckin’ much on u. I know right it’s wrong but sometimes let go will be better than hold on.. and I promise no more u in my mind even tho I still can’t let my self hurt everytime u walk with the other girls around. 

May be u right, may be I’m not more than just a good friend for you, may be this is just my fault, may be at the begining there was no feeling at all, may be I’m just ur second opinion ..

Hey boy, … 

I believe one day I would be very grateful of this space that we have been made. Next time if I see u again, I’ll still give u the same smile but in different meaning, no more hope, no more feeling, no more hate, just a smile in a friendship .. 

But hey, .. I’m not say that I’m moving on already, but time will heal the pain, and one thing you should know ,

I’m done loving you 

Rama Edwinda Putra ..

IT’S ALWAYS BEEN YOU

I miss someone

I miss the laugh

I miss his eyes .. his stare .. his voice ..

I miss his appearance

I miss the way he came to my home that day 

I miss how he sat at my living room chair 

I miss the way he call me babe .. 

I miss ur call everynight ..

I miss to always notice u everyday .. 

I miss ur attention ..

I miss ur scent ..

I miss the way we sat face to face and began to share laugh and joy ..

I miss the way I was feeling so excited just bc u come that day  ..

I miss the way we hang out and talk about the world .. 
I know right that I shouldn’t miss u ..

But it goes wrong eveyday and I can’t even lie to myself 

It’s like something that grow so fast in my chest ..

You know, If i make a priority list u’re at the top of my list 

But what about you ? Have ever think about me ? 

What number am l at your priority list? Or may be it’s never been me ..

It’s hard, really ..

It’s hard just to be a girl that you never notice ..

And you are always be a boy i admire from afar ..

YOU SUCK LESS THEN MOST PEOPLE

U know what ? 

Sometimes everything can be so hard even just to forget someone ..

The more you try to forget, the more u think about him,well yeah perhaps i can’t never called myself a good pretender. Once I ever said that it would be the last time for me to hold on and i wanted to go, but in fact it was just words. No action

I’m still here, standing in the same place with the same feeling. I haven’t been able to realy let him go. I’m not ready yet. There is still a place in my heart that hope if one day he will realize how hard i love him. 

I don’t know who is to blame, i don’t know who is wrong, we both are false, we both just trap in this situation ..

What are we ? I just don’t understand our friendship, sometimes we’re friend, sometimes we’re more than just friend, and sometimes I’m just a stranger to u, one minute u’re talking to me as if I’m something special and the next minute u’re talking to me if I mean nothing to u. One day u pay so much attention to me,the next u almost completely ignore me ..
I totally know that it’s not like the random friendship at all and I’m pretty sure that u’ve realized if there is something different between us, but we both look like avoiding that thing every time we talk. The last I know that u know about my feeling, especially about our both feeling. With that u just keep playing that emotional game, u keep give me that attentions, u keep call me everynight, u keep telling me a story that perhaps everyone don’t know about it, u keep call me as ur baby, u keep treat me different than the other girls around and It’s hurt, really.

We can’t also blame the people, because the people only understand everything they see. I bet u also ever get a question from them about me, and i just wonder how will u replay it, is it look special or not ? 

The people always think that we’re close or have a kind of special relationship, but infact it’s nothing..

Honestly, I want to be more than just a friend, we’ve too closed, and everything that u’ve done to me it’s just too special for being a friend. I just wish u start making sense bc I’m confused and Idk what u want .. 

If i know that love is just a painful game like this, I would rather be falling from the stairs than falling in love. 

Now it’s hard not to see u, not to talk to u, not to laugh with u.I’m too scared if one day we will be separated by a distance and start to forget each other before we both telling the truth ..

What should I do when it’s too painful to hold on but too hard to let him go? 

Is It False to Adore U ? 

Well well well

Sometimes all you have to do is  just to be true to yourself, to be true about holding on or just giving up and letting him go. 

When u love someone, the whole thing that pop up in ur brain is just about him, and there is no place to think for the other person rather than him or u can say that u lock ur heart and ur mind just for him tho u don’t even know that he will be ur padlock or not.

Well yeah u will know that it’s obviously true when u ever fall in love with someone

I never thought that when i really adore someone, there is person outside who really adore me more. I felt like useless, i felt like how can I be so fool, I prefer to hold on with someone that’s totally doesn’t know my existance and not realize about the other someone’s feeling

but,once again i said that love is a stupid big dream. Two things that i wanna ask “how can i ever realize if there’s someone who adore me when i’m not even adore my self ?” And “how can i realize if there’s someone who adore me when my heart is full of the one i love ?”

It seems like the whole universe doesn’t take a side on me, but why ??!?

PERHAPS I NEVER BE YOUR FAVORITE PART

U said u wanna move on ?

U said u don’t wanna notice him again ?

U said u wanna stop hoping ?

U said, said, and always said

Well, all about love is just a bullshit, love can’t lie, even tho u pretend to not care, to not read his message, to ignore him from ur mind, but in fact u still notice him, every time the way he left, he talk, he laugh or just hear his name u’ll unconsiouly wanna know

I don’t know what just happen, i’m just too stupid about love, i’ve tried to realize, i’ve tried to act normal and pretend like nothing happen, and last i’ve tried to hold my feeling, but why, why i still hope that one day u will realize my existance when the whole universe say that it’s not ???

Well even at my birthday he didn’t do anything, than why u still have a hope?
I hate to think about u while u’re not even think about me back, i hate to stuck in this love, and maybe this is what we called as a high hope love

And in the end I’ll finally know that I’m not ur priority, or in the other word that I mean nothing for u, so let’s just move on, stop that stupid silly big dream and become more realistic.

What’s Scare U The Most About Growing Up ??

” come with me, where you’ll never, never have to worry about growing up things again”peter pan

Growing up is a moment when u’ve to get out of ur comfort zone or we usually called it as a childhood into something scared that we called “adulthood”

Well, for some people, growing up is easy, but for me it’s become more complicated day by day. I just don’t know how to grow up, how to control myself, how to act like an adult or in other way “I’m just scared of growing up”

Becoming an adult it’s mean that we start talking about cooking and cleaning and doing taxes, adult responsibilities that we don’t usually talk about it becoming a teenager. However, there’s no guidebook preparing you for your teenage years. You see, your teenage years are still a part of growing up, but I’ve learned that as you become a teenager, you become more and more aware of the adult world.

Even tho, i’ve already passed my childhood but I feel like I’m around ten years old, but recently, I’ve becoming more aware of the fact that I’m not a kid anymore

However, being a young adult isn’t just about becoming more adult, but it’s also growing up in a new way, losing that childhood innocence and realizing how crazy and scary the world really is.

You see, being a young adult is very different from being a child, and as I’ve grown up, I’ve begun to realize the benefits of that childhood innocence. Things change, and I’m not necessarily sure that, first am I ready for the changes? and the second, whether or not I want these changes to happen.

Well, becoming adult isn’t always like the movie. The’re liars, they said that becoming adult is very hyped up, u can enjoy your life as what you want or you can meet your lovers as easy as u find a spoon at the kitchen, but all if that, is wrong. Becoming adult is full of pressure about life, family, education, job, or even social life.

Well i can’t say that i’m adult enough in my age right now as an eighteen. But i feel like the whole universe don’t like me, okay i know it’s just the begining and there are a lot of things outside, that u can’t even imagine.

I’ve ever dreamed about living in “Neverland” where i’ll never, never have to worry about growing up things again, yeah just like peter pan and becoming the lost boy. At first it becomes clearer when I grow pu but now i know why peter pan doesn’t want to grow up, because when u grow up everything changes and it turns in to a complicated thing.

I always wanna be a little girl, a mommy and a daddy girl, I’m not ready to face the world, i always wanna be a little girl and have fun. But yeah i think it’s just my biggest pretend. And last life will be an awfully big adventure ..

A SUCKER PAIN.

Well, Love isn’t just a word

It seems like there’s a power inside that word. An emotion that can’t be explained.

It’s not the first time i know about love. We all know love since we were a child, but love can be in different meaning.

Actually I don’t know what should i write to explain my feeling right konw.

I just feel confused, irritate, annoyed for everything. I cant blame anyone, it’s all about my fault.

Yeah, it’s all my fault to have a feeling with the wrong person.

 

I can’t read him.

At first it seems like he act different to me

and i know it’s not like the random conversation at all

I can’t even realize that this time I start to love him

I was waiting for his notification on my phone like an idiot and noticed his moved every time.

 

I know, I was so stupid

How can i fall in love with that fuckin’ boy

whereas i know that it’s not only me

there is she, she, and many she

 

I try to suggest my heart to stop feel about him

To forget about the feeling

I don’t wanna hurt my self

but it’s hard and it’s really hurting

It’s not an easy way to forget the one you love

 

I hate him so fuckin’ much

I hate him because i know he just don’t feel the same way

Male FICTIONAL Character Is Everything

Well, is it false if i fall in love with some kind of male fictional character ? 
I think movie will always bring me in to a different world where i can find something amazing, something about freedom, independency and no fear.

Movie always represent the perfect male they all know how to treat girl with the right way, they know how to fix it how to deal with it.
I love their eyes, the blue eyes about how they look at the girl’s eyes and feel like she is the one
They are good, perfect, and even impossible to find..
They keep the girl as a very precious thing in the world
They know how to make a perfect sight and make it very meaningfull
They are a good player in the world when they look at the girl and said “damn, how can i fall in love with this girl”
Male fictional character is everything, they know how to love girl and how to make a girl feel that she is brighter stars in the sky

I ever wished that i will live in movie world, i mean i can turn it in to the real world, but what ? No one can’t make it real, it’s just a movie and it’s just a dream, fantasy and illusion
No one can’t find that kind of the boy and no one can’t have that kind of personality and attitude

Well,in the end, life is not as beautiful as what we see in movies, there’re a lot of jerk and we can’t live as simple as the movies. And one thing u should keep in ur mind is “There is no the real male fictional character”